One step forward and two steps back

Spent the morning trying to do something that looked a like a simple move- a diagonal figure 8 maya I can do a good maya, a great hip twist.  So, in front of DVD I bent my knees, pelvic in neutral, ribs lifted, shoulders up, back and down, head tall,  and twisted left hip forward and from this diagonal maya-figure 8.  Fine, not smooth, but I think it is a good start. Then from the back right corner, twist to maya back left corner and this is not so good. The slide to front...no, try again, slide to front right corner.  No, seriously...front right and maya.. okay, how about just the slide..? What? What had happened? SAH-CUR-i- TEE.....Sah-cur-i-tee! Someone stole my maya while I was sleeping.  I have searched my whole body. Stretched,  tried some yoga, back to basics. But my front right diagonal is completely gone! If anyone see it..please return it to me.  ( It may be seen in company of my sharp rib slides. )

First Costume in Progress.

This really is a lot of fun. The hardest part so far is taking the pictures.

Journaling the dance.

Sail-Awolnation:

Face Back first 8 counts ( In that cool Zoe stance like a martini glass?)

Snake arms:

First 8: low snake arms

Second 8: medium snake arms

Third 8: medium with torso sway

4th 8!  Arms up (1,2)- slight dip- look over left shoulder/right arm up, left hand to face finish both arms up (2-8)

Fifth 8 ! Arms up (1-2) dip, look over right shoulder, right hand to face, left arm up (2-8_

6th 8 ! Arms up-slide across back of head ( find a pretty hand floreo for this) and our to 2nd.

7th 8 ! Scissor turn (step back left) face DSL (1-2), rib lock/drop (3-4), half hip circle to DSR (5-6), rib lock/drop (7-8) ( This rib lock seems quick when I turn and I need to practice a ton with pop/lock quicker)

SAIL!
8th 8 !  From the rib lock to RB's body wave with hip circle from right to left

9th 8 !  RB's body wave, hip circle left to right

10th 8 !  Ami CW x 2 ( four count each Ami)

11th 8! Forward Figure 8

! This is how I show my love   DSR Left shoulder roll?  Heart beat move (5-6-7-8) cave in pop out


! I made it in my mind because   From Chest out Liquid frame face ( Anasama)


! Blame it on my ADD baby  Ladder (tuck pelvis 1, upper abs 2, chest 3, chin 4)  1-2-3-4  head slides (5-6-7-8) (From Anasana) Or this Sedona?

! 8 ( Transition something to face front? pass the circle thing?)

! This is how an angel cries  Tribal Camel (1-8 : Up left -right (1-2) slide right with hand floreo left hand up gaze down (3-4-5-6)  leg back (7-8) face front.


!Blame it on my own sick pride  Arms up and wave down (flame)with chest/rib pop/lock hands at chest)Peacock hands ( Shimmy II)


!Blame it on my ADD baby    Right arm up with floreo (1-2) Left arm up with florea (3-4) and Head slides (5-6-7-8)

!8   Chest circle horizontal (1-2-3-4) and hip circle ( 5-6-7-8)

SAIL-8  Side to side undulation right ( From Rachel Brice)

SAIL- 8 Side to side undulation Left

SAIL-8  Side to side undulation Right

SAIL-8  Side to side undulation Left

SAIL-!  Something easy..maya? Figure 8 That move from Sedona's big hip leading into hip circle.


! Maybe I should cry for help  Hip Circle: ( slide left-sit arm up_ maya up) From Hannan Sultan)

! Maybe I should kill myself  Hip circle: slide right forward left back with hair/head down up maya) (lebanese hip circle from Shimmy bellies in beirut)

! Blame it on my ADD baby   Something something Head slides (5-6-7-8-)

! Drum/cymbal 8  From arms up-Tribal chest undulation down ( This is not working for me)


!Maybe I'm a different breed Pose beautiful face gesture look out( From Shimmy Season II)

!Maybe I'm not listening  Scissor turn face back( 1-2)  Something something (3-4-5-6)  hands to head (7-8) From my own head

!So blame it on my ADD baby Scissor front (1-2)       Shoulder see saw (5-6-7-8)

!8 ( upbeat transition)  Shoulder lift/drop (1-2), Chest lift/drop (3-4)Left shoulder lift drop (5-6) Roll down ( 7-8)  ( Was this Rachel? or Anasana?



SAIL-!8 (guitar added in) Maya level change down,  Reverse Maya

SAIL  (guitar 8)  Maya level change down, Reverse Maya up

SAIL (guitar)  

SAIL (guitar building)

SAIL 

Toy Piano Part

8 Da-da-DA-da-da ( sounds like pairs of 4 or 5 counts) Hip drops releve right

8 Travel hip circle R (1-4) Travel hip circle L 5-8)

8 Hip drops releve L (1-8)

8  Traveling hip circle L (1-4) Traveling hip Circle R (5-8)

La la la la la la la la la -Oh! Maybe saidi step with four hip lifts, turn and repeat..( If I can't figure out Ashley's 1-2-3 back steps.

8 Saidi step with four hip lifts.

la la la la la la la la-Oh!  3 step turn with hip bounce (


La la la la la la la la  3 step turn with hip bounces

 (Rachel's cool 16 count thing) from Serpentine. Work out SAIL on the lifts?)

SAIL  Grapevine left pivot (1-2-3-4) Grapevine Right Pivot (5-6-7-8)

SAIL  Step pivot (1-2) Step Pivot(3-4) R-L-R (5-6-7) LRL ( That's too many steps, no?)

SAIL  ( Should do easier things a few times, smile breathe because pinball is hard as hell)

SAIL

SAIL 

SAIL

SAIL

SAIL

SAIL  Pinball right 

SAIL Pinball left

Clap reverse the beginning.

Choreowhatgraphy?

Wow!  There is so much more to this than I could ever imagine!   I am planning my first dance to do in front of family at our Christmas gathering this year.  Two years ago, without any prior lessons other than some Shimmy fit DVD's, I found a teacher willing to teach me a VERY simple choreography that consisted of a couple turns with a veil, a shimmy and some side to side steps.  I think there were like four steps in the dance to a 2 minute song that she even slowed down for me on her magic machine.  I had 3 lessons with her, that pretty much destroyed my confidence in anything that I thought I had learned. 

Last year,  I was going to try to dance again and really did start working out a choreography with the ONLY local belly dance teacher. She is wonderful and I asked the impossible of her- help me work out a whole choreography in 3 hours- and by this time, I had 8 lessons in a real class.  Christmas was super busy and we didn't do our show because we were missing key family members.  But this year, we will nearly all be together again.

I am working on the same song I planned last year, but I can't remember what all the notations of the choreography mean. So, I am working it out on my own with last year's notes as a guide.  There are many things that make this undertaking complicated for me.

Firstly, I don't yet understand music and often have to have someone else count out the beats for me. I will hear 6 or 7 when everyone else clearly hears that 8 count.  ( I actually just learned about 8 counts last year).  I am not yet comfortable with improvising at all, so I need to work it all out and memorize it.  I don't know how to write the music or dance notes down.  I am learning.

Secondly,  I am learning that one can not just string together 8 count phrases because one phrase must lead to the next. I have to figure out how to end up where I want to be, that is, which foot, facing which direction in order to move to the next step.   I have been working out the expression of the lyrics and know in my head what I want to do, but when I start practicing, I realize..oh, that doesn't work because in the last move I ended on DSR with arms in second.  Wow! I can't believe that came out of my mouth.

Thirdly,  my eyes are bigger than my belly.  I mean, I imagine moving to the music like I saw in Rachel's DVD, but um, I actually can't DO sidewinder.  So, the challenge is to either learn some things that are not yet  in my scope ( that is what I say as a nurse practitioner, not sure what a dancer would say) or learn to express myself in a much simpler way, but with moves that are actually graceful rather than forced when I do them.

It is fun and challenging.  My family will have no idea if I mess up. Well, one of my daughter in laws has taken up belly dancing, so SHE will know, but she will laugh with me, not at me.

Star-struck

I can't even remember the first time that I saw a youtube video of Rachel Brice, but I, like many of her fans, was mesmerized. I played them over and over and searched for every video that I could find of her.  As a novice to all forms of dance, I was fascinated by her control of her body. She could isolate muscles I did not know that I had.  In the year that I have been actually taking lessons off and on, I use her DVD's to practice.  At home, I often pause her DVD's and play sections over and over until I can understand the movement.

When I found out that she would be giving workshops at Jamballah, I marked my calendar to get tickets the very first available moment to get tickets. Then, finding out that she was the surprise yoga instructor before the workshop, I was worried that I could not keep up.

I knew that she not very tall from her videos, but was surprised at how tiny she really is.  Without makeup or costuming she is a completely different woman, and I doubt anyone who had only seen her in performance would be able to recognise her.  She was warm, friendly and most surprisingly very funny.  She has adorable names for yoga poses that are not nearly as funny is you are not there in person.

I was prepared to stay in the back left corner of her dance workshop, so I would not get in the way of other students who are professional dancers.  I was still so star struck that I would get so caught up in watching her move that I was not as self conscious as I usually am.

There was a point where everything shifted for me.  There was a new combination that she was teaching us in reverse and it wasn't flowing as she had it written in her book.  She called a friend/student/dancer up and just walked it out with her.  I know that I am not the only one who could not imagine that the best dancer ever actually has to practice. She told me that sometimes she would get so frustrated when learning something new and was pretty hard on herself.  Like me she thought she was the only one that wasn't getting it.  Yes, I said just like me.

Wow! An amazing shift in my feelings about dance happened hearing that.  She works hard to be able to use her body so artfully.  Sometimes she isn't perfect.  The way she was able to laugh about it and solve the problem by just talking it through with Shanti made me finally feel that I could actually learn to dance one day.

She is human and it made me have even more appreciation for her talent.  Somehow I thought that all the dancers that I see are just amazingly gifted and it comes easily.  They don't show youtube out takes. They don't show hours and hours of practice to make it look so effortless on the instructional DVDs.

This moment with her completely shifted the way I see my practice. I am more encouraged and excited about learning that I have ever been. Not because I think even with daily hours of practice, I will be as wonderful as Rachel, but I now believe that I will be the best dancer that I can be. 

I cannot express how very excited I am about the upcoming JamBallah in Portland.  I promised myself last year that I would practice every day until this year so I would not be so very lost. But my whirlwind of a life kept me too spun to remember. 
I do more a bit more than I did last year. I did spend lots of time practicing at the beginning, but the past few months have been so busy working on the business that my body has forgotten the very basics I had drilled most of last year.  This year, I sort of know what to do in my head, but the signal does not always get to my body.
Four more days and I will be dancing...yeah

Whiny circles

Chest circles in any direction are difficult for me. In my defense, I have a LOT more to lift and circle around than does Rachel Brice who makes it look so effortless. I have been practicing tightening upper back to push forward, lifts, contracting upper abs to move back, the "down" is the hardest. Collapsing looks sloppy, but I have not been able to "feel" the right muscles. I put away the other DVDs and grabbed the Shimmy TV DVDs today and found a couple of drills for that and my upper back hurts a lot. I am hoping that means that I have found those elusive back muscles.
Years ago, while recovering from shoulder surgery ( twice in a year on the same shoulder), physical therapists worked so hard to try to get me to contract muscles between my shoulders-but I had NO idea how to access those muscles. It took those electrical muscle stimulators, poking, and lots of tears before I could barely flicker them with a lot of effort. So, this is not easy for me. It is painful to get just the smallest chest movements.
I am going to keep practicing in short bursts rather than any extended sessions. I seem to learn that way better- small moments of practice with more time to process the feelings between. So the added move to slow to medium 3/4 shimmy is chest circles..side to side and front to back. In between "roll up" or reverse undulations. Practice, practice, practice....

Zilly girl!

RR RLR R RLR RL      Wow! Seems so very simple when you see it written down, but keeping up the pattern reminds me of tongue twisters. We can all say them slowly, but the faster you go, the more twisted it becomes. We all know that I am rhythmically challenged, to put it kindly.  So, we start off in place with the teacher counting it out either 11 123 or rr rlr etc..I  keep up like a pro...but walk? And change hand positions? And if she doesn't count aloud, I completely am confused by my classmates who are ALL on the wrong beat- in unison.  I practiced between classes, but not enough to create a memory for it. As with each new thing we learn from this teacher, she starts off very slowly and then goes faster and faster until it seems we can't do it another second.
 Like with most things I am learning in dance- I seem to try so very hard, watching, repeating, watching a thousand videos until I feel completely lost. Then, I give up and do something else for a few days and the move or idea will just finally break through all my brick walls of self doubt,  and self criticism. Each time, there is this Ah-HA! moment when I just "get' it. I may not be able to do  it well, but I understand it when I stop trying so hard.

Planless

Practicing as much as possible, but I lack an organized plan.  I just sort of wake up and do the usually stretches, plie, relave, some snake arms, 8's, for a few minutes but nothing structured. I know that if I actually made a plan and stuck to it, I would make more progress. Tomorrow, after errands, I think I will make a tape of practice drills so I can compare them over the weeks to come. I haven't watched a Rachel Brice DVD in awhile- and put on the Serpentine today. Wanted to give up in just a few minutes. I think I need to set up a 3 x a week schedule for her and then the other days with my other favorites. I wish more beginners would blog about the challenges..

March, 2012

After one of the top five days in my worst days at work today. Then rushed to week two of beginning belly dance with undulations, tribal camel, with arms, belly roll up. Zills! Traveling with zills. And more chest lifts than I thought was humanly possible. I do enjoy learning new things-but I am a very slow learner. It is just in my nature to analyze things, watch them, think about it and learn it in very slow motion. I was always the last student in nursing school to try the new skill-like starting an IV. I wanted to read about it, study it, learn the rules, the anatomy. Then I wanted to watch every other student do them and hear the critiques. Then I wanted to do it, very slowly and perfectly. It is like that with dance. For instance in learning the 3/4 shimmy- I tried in class and just didn't get it. Then I watched on you tube. Then bought a particular video that I watch often. I practiced until I actually pull either my internal oblique or my psoas and could barely move for weeks and managed to actually cause my belly button to move to the right about an inch or so.
This dance class really moves quickly, and it challenges my nature. I want a long lecture complete with muscle descriptions, anatomy lessons, drawings, demos, what NOT to do and then try whatever move at the slowest possible speed until my form is as perfect as it can be-my knees are bent, pelvis tucked etc. After hours or days or maybe even weeks...I would like to try it at half tempo and move up very slowly.  And at that rate...I won't be dancing much.
So, I have to suck it up. I have to get up earlier to fit in practice before work. Do some serious yoga stretches at lunch at work and come home to Rachel's or Zoe's drills at night. I am going to keep up at Jamballah this year.
Oh, and ZILLS! I didn't get it during class. But at the end, I looked at the pattern written out and said..Oh, you start with 3 1s, then 2, then 1-2..you take away a one every time. She looked at me like I had lost my mind...but I showed her how my mind finally grasped the pattern...not R-R RLR, R RLR, RL, but 11 123, 1 123, 1-2...but in my head it is 3 1s 23, 2 1s 23, 1-2......I actually can't hear the rhythm yet without some serious effort, but it is getting better every day.
Imma belly dancah...a snake charmah...

Hippie Dippie

Started the morning with Drillz that Killz again. Still not understanding what she means by hip drops out, in, neutral. I am searching through some other more basic DVD's to see if I can find this broken down MUCH slower.
Excited that tomorrow after work my medical assistant and maybe my Mom and sister will join me for the beginner belly dance class. The most exciting part of the day, was while I watching a TV program, I was practicing hip drops and my sister, looked at me and said "how did you learn to do that? you must just practice hours a day". Wow! She is such a great dancer at all the family events. I am the one who has always been the WORST dancer in the family. And look at me now! I am actually going to say this.. I am a belly dancer ( okay student, but still I AM a dancer)...
Thought for the day is to use my FLIP camera to monitor my progress and maybe be brave enough to post some of my struggles to learn new moves. You would likely be seeing me in my pajamas...seems to be my favorite dance wear...

Rollng, rolling, rolling- rawhide!

I have it in my mind that one of the most wonderful moves in dance is the undulation, especially reverse undulations or rolling up.  I am convinced that I absolutely cannot dance unless I can do that move. I am generally outgoing, except when it comes to dancing because even when I dance like no one is looking I am self conscious. So, I have watched about a zillion youtubes and several of my belly dance DVDs. I have the reverse beginning to almost look like a recognizable move. So, practice, practice, practice and finally got a mirror yesterday ( I had to leave my old mirrors in my last place) and I have the ' Sit, tuck, upper abs" parts, but the chest? I just don't get it. I am not sure if I am supposed to use my upper back muscles, or my shoulders?  Anasma's description and demonstration is the best that I have seen, but still missing that last little piece.
My weakest link is anything to do with my chest. I watched Zoe forever tonight and tried to keep up with the chest pops, locks, lifts, slides etc, but she always loses me in a few minutes.  I have only had one private lesson with the instructor of my new beginner belly dancing class, but I do remember how much she balances between hips and chest ( and of course arms, hands and shoulders).
I do know that I become easily frustrated when learning some moves. When I am watching/playing DVDs if it gets too hard, I just stop it and do something else. I can't do that in class, which is good. I won't be able to stop the workshops in Portland, so I have to find a way to work through the hard parts.

Expectations

I want so much to be able to express my feelings through dance. I think it is likely unrealistic to expect to be able to move as smoothly as Zoe or Rachel. I am drawn to the big movements. Big round mayas...hips drops like Zoe. But my body is untrained and much older. They have danced since toddler hood and I am starting at the age when most have long since retired.  There is such beauty and grace in Carolina's movements, but my eye struggles to understand the subtle soft movements. Maybe as I watch and learn from different dancers-  I will see the movements more clearly. But now, when I watch her move in DVDs I can't tell if it is Maya or reverse maya..
So, I want my body to make those big smooth slow graceful movements, stretching, posing, spinning and oh, those hands...their hands and arms are mesmerizing.  I want to move like that...and I know that I only have a few years of dancing realistically.  I am trying to be patient, but a part of me feels wistful about the life I did not spend dancing, but it just wasn't the right time for me then. It seems right to me now
It is much more difficult for me now. Yesterday, after practicing hip drops in the morning, I went to work as usual. One of my first patient's was an elderly patient that could not climb on the exam table- so I squated down to examine her feet. When I tried to stand up I could feel the head of my femurs dragging in the acetabulum like knives. I stood up a little wobbly with the realization that someday it will be me that can't get up on the table...but until then I am gonna dance like no one  is looking

How did I get here?

What am I doing here? My shoulders ache, my tummy burns along my 25 year old Cesarean scar, and I still can’t  count out the beat of the most simple music.   I love everything about dancing and in my mind I have always tried to imagine dancing, moving to the beat of the music. For reasons that don’t really matter much, my brain is just not connected to my body in the way it is for dancers. My father spent all of his life trying to teach me to slow dance- to follow, but I was forever on his toes. I took lessons with my wasband and the teacher was so confident he could help me understand- anyone can learn to follow. And time after time, I tried, I listened, I tried to feel, but I cannot understand what that means when you push on my back or try to guide me. Oh, we tried line dancing with the kids on family night. Repetition? Hundreds of times I would try the same dance and every time that we turned a new direction- I was lost. The hustle? No way.  Okay, how easy is it to dance in a circle with my Native American friends? Simple, hear the drum step together step...everyone together. And I look at the pictures of all 50 on the right foot, while I am on my left.
But I WANT to dance. I somehow believe that I NEED to learn this. I found the tv show- Shimmy, after years of being in love with belly dancing. I taped them all and tried each one hundreds of times, rewind, try again, months to learn a 3 step turn. Still too much to expect to do it to the beat of the music, but I don’t fall.
So proud after months of practicing with the tapes, I took a few private lessons so I could learn a dance to do for my family. I was feeling nervous, but thought I could learn something really simple. The teacher didn’t understand how challenged I really am and how hard I had tried and was starting to feel good about myself, when she critisized every movement. Posture is wrong. “Oh, I heard the Shimmy teacher say, pelvis,tucked, kees bent -shoulders back and down etc.”, but I thought that was to stretch between moves...you mean all the time? Uh...