Expectations

I want so much to be able to express my feelings through dance. I think it is likely unrealistic to expect to be able to move as smoothly as Zoe or Rachel. I am drawn to the big movements. Big round mayas...hips drops like Zoe. But my body is untrained and much older. They have danced since toddler hood and I am starting at the age when most have long since retired.  There is such beauty and grace in Carolina's movements, but my eye struggles to understand the subtle soft movements. Maybe as I watch and learn from different dancers-  I will see the movements more clearly. But now, when I watch her move in DVDs I can't tell if it is Maya or reverse maya..
So, I want my body to make those big smooth slow graceful movements, stretching, posing, spinning and oh, those hands...their hands and arms are mesmerizing.  I want to move like that...and I know that I only have a few years of dancing realistically.  I am trying to be patient, but a part of me feels wistful about the life I did not spend dancing, but it just wasn't the right time for me then. It seems right to me now
It is much more difficult for me now. Yesterday, after practicing hip drops in the morning, I went to work as usual. One of my first patient's was an elderly patient that could not climb on the exam table- so I squated down to examine her feet. When I tried to stand up I could feel the head of my femurs dragging in the acetabulum like knives. I stood up a little wobbly with the realization that someday it will be me that can't get up on the table...but until then I am gonna dance like no one  is looking